Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
