OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I think I am morally bankrupt
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
