i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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