I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
