the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
