Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
ttyl tear gas
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
