Please, let me fuck your mom
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Will exercising make me less horny?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
