whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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