Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
