Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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