Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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