You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
