Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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