Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Did I show you my penis last night?
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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