He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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