He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
