Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
