just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
