I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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