I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
