you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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