I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
