why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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