You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
