you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
What happened to fro yo and sex?
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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