Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
