my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I think i peed on brittanys purse
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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