As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
