I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I've blown a few things in my day
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
