just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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