yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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