she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
