Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
