you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
