I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
