How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
