who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Randomize
