I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
