Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
