omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
