i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
