i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I need to sanitize my soul.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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