She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
