if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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