If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
