I wanna bring you to show and tell
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
