so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
