Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
