Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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