Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
