I CAN MOONWALK!
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
