those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
